You deserve better

Don't you love sitting on the couch, watching Malcolm in the middle, waiting for the phone to buz?

When the phone finally rings and you jump up with so much hope and then you get a little bit sad inside when you realize its your mom, or someone calling for help with homework. Thats when you just want to run. Run to the door, down the street, across the intersection, and through back yards. Run to get away from the disappointment.

You wait all day to hear his voice, and all you get is a text or two that says very little about what you want to know. You wait for the day that he calls and talks to you the way he used to. Tells you how amazing and how stunning you are, and how he dreams of you. How he wishes that in the future it could be just you and him. You hope for the day that he keeps his promise to always be there for you. You still have hope in your heart that you guys are as close as you once were.

But, in the back of your mind you know that he is obviously one of those statistics, one of those guys who is exactly what mama warned you about. You know in your mind that he is not worth your time, because he is definitely only interested in one thing, and its not your heart. You realize that you've been played, and that he continues to play you because some how you have developed and soft spot for him.

Days of hoping, wondering, wishing, thinking, sighing, and maybe a little crying, you finally realize you are so much better off without him. Because if the two of you dated, you would know that he was talking to some other girls the exact same way he used to talk to you. You wake up in the morning with a smile on your face because finally you are free from the confusion, the questions, and the hurt. You open your eyes to the fact that you can do so much better because you have also opened your eyes to the fact that he is not all that.

He really isn't everything you thought he was. In fact, the only reason you were so caught up in him was because of the chase. The sweet, subtle flirtation mixed with the attraction that led to the tension when you guys were together. Suddenly the light bulb goes off in your head and you know that he isn't the only flirtatious guy in the world, and that there are some guys out there that are not just interested in getting in your pants.

Finally, you can go to bed at night and be excited to wake up in the morning because you don't know what the next day holds, all you know is that you won't be stuck waiting for him to call anymore. You will no longer lay all your hopes on seeing him look at you just once. You know you deserve to be treated better and you know you can find a nicer, sexier, funnier, smarter, guy or gal.

Time to stop worrying about him. Get on with your life. Leave him in the dust. He will see what he is missing out on and sooner or later it won't even matter to you. He will still be the same ass hole, stuck in his old ways, praying on the non-confident, sensitive girls with low self-esteem and an intense need to belong.

Love yourself. Worry about yourself. Makes yourself happy. And then you will find someone who is just as amazing as you are. Someone who deserves you. Why? Because you deserve it.

Decisions: Think hard

I wanted to call you and say goodnight,

I thought about telling you I loved you, hoping I could make you feel better. I hoped for a chance to talk to you again, waiting for that day my phone rang and I'd be happy to pick it up.

You're the reason for my sadness. You're problems are my priority because you can't handle them without some help. I tried to make things right, I tried to help as much as I could. But, you took advantage of my good heart and you lied to me over and over again. Fathers are not supposed to lie. They are supposed to be the strong, leaders of the house. Instead I'm forced to spend the rest of my teenage years with the two people I have the least in common with. Dad, you were my light. You were my best friend. My energy. You were my hero and above all, you were always there to hold me while I cried. I've been crying alone lately...Too often may I add. I miss fishing on the boat with you. I miss snorkeling and roller blading and biking and hiking with you. I miss the days when you woke up and decided not to take your medicine. I miss those days when you would dance around the house singing Elvis and banging on pots and pans. I miss when you would wrestle with pongo. I wish we could have those days again. Where you would wake up and watch cartoons. I wish the old days could come back. I wish for so many things, even though I know that this one wish is one never to come true. Because... you made your choice dad... and it wasn't your family.