Life is good guys.. Life is pretty good.

"The only difference between a flower and a weed is......Judgement "

Finding this quote is so ironic! My mother has been telling me for a week now that I have finally blossomed into the beautiful flower she always knew I would one day become.

I recently had a new guy come into my life. He is good and sweet and so imperfectly amazing. He smiles and my cheeks heat up right away. He laughs and I smile because of how completely cute his laugh is. His eyes change color, and I honestly find my self staring so deeply into them that I forget whats going on around me and all I see is him. We all know that there is a difference between smart and intelligence. My boyfriend is intelligent and smart all in one. He has common sense and control and respect. He is responsible and goal orientated. He makes me need to do better in school. He makes me want to do better in every aspect of my life. I want to be around him all the time. I want to know his every mood, recognize all his faces, know what every sound in his voice means. I want to know all there is to know about him and I want to be there for him and hold him and make him smile. Heres the kicker guys, I also want him to know all this about me. Thats something I've never wanted before. I have always wanted that element of mystery, that knowledge in my mind that someone will never know everything there is to know about me. I wanted that power, that control. But, with Aarron, things are different. I want him to know all that there is to know. I think he could handle it, I think WE could handle it. There is just something about him. Something that I recognize, something that I see in myself sometimes. He's always himself, and never tries to be anything more or less. He holds me so close and makes me feel special and important. He asks me to go places with him and its nice, you know, to feel that you're wanted. This guy with this amazing personality and an awesome sense of humor has somehow pulled me out of my comfort zone and made me feel comfortable in his. I'm happy with him and happy with who I am around him and with him. He brightens my days and lights up my nights. He calms my fears and smothers my worries. I look forward to all the joy and happiness and excitement. I look forward to the days full of laughter and jokes and smiles. I look forward to seeing him smile and watching him have fun and enjoy life. I look forward to making him as happy as he makes me.

This is something good and pure, something that I will never ever forget. In 3 short weeks something in me has changed and I am irrevocably grateful. This year has been rough, dirty, nasty and disgusting. Things have changed, I have lost family members and pieces of my heart have been permanently crushed, stomped on and shattered. But, I am insanely blessed, for this year has also been one of the best years of my life. We moved to a nice house, I got to know so much about my mother, I have the best of friends around me, I reached goals and made new ones, and I found this guy. This amazing, dorky, smart, handsome, funny as hell, passionate, sentimental, adorable, talented, sincere guy who makes me so entirely happy.

This makes my mother say "Amber, you have become such a woman, a lady, a flower. You have blossomed and opened up to new things. You finally opened your heart and you're letting someone in a little bit. You're my beautifully bloomed flower." I love my mom.

Life is good guys, life is pretty good.

The "Don'ts" of High school

(Please excuse my language in this blog post. It won't happen again, I can assure you!)

-Is it not amazing how quickly word travels in High school?-

-Just because I am OK with kissing my boyfriend after a day of dating, I'm a whore. My least favorite word ever to be said. That is what I am known as, by a number of people. I can not stress how much I honestly don't care what anyone has to say. I don't care what those people think about me. They do not know me at all and they don't know what I do and who I am. So, I don't care. But, my friends, it IS High school and from the pre- to the post pubescent males and females, everyone will talk. Their gossip being their only means of staying connected to the world. They are a community of trash talking, drama breathing, gossip spewing air heads. What ever you do, whether it be the smallest possible thing, EVERYONE will know about it. So, don't you dare step on an ant or get a rock in your shoe. You better not get toothpaste in your hair or dirt on your pants. No kissing you boyfriend in public. OH, and what ever you do, just do not be a girl, at all. Don't smile too much or you will be a freak, but don't frown at all or you will be a depressed emo kid. Just do me a favor and do not ever kiss your boyfriend.

My anger is through the roof, my temperature has sky rocketed to the moon. I hate, with everything in me, the word "whore", especially when it is being directed at me. It is the one and only word that you could say to me and I would hit you right in the face with a closed fist and absolutely no hesitation.

I don't care what they think. They can call me anything they want and give any bullshit example that they want. But, they are ignorant and they will never know me. I am 1000000% happy with the person that I am. I know who I am and what I am not. As long as I know the truth and he knows the truth, all is fine and dandy.

So, let them spit their acid, volatile words. Let them open their garbage mouths and litter the world with trash talk and fallacies. People will talk, no matter what and you have two options. Put it behind you and do your own thing or let it get to you and cause more problems.

I say FUCK THE MASSES.

Because seriously, do they matter to you at all? It is in the human nature to be curious and suspicious and they will continue to run their mouths no matter the effect. So, tune it out and live it up.

Coming to an understanding.

"You will never have a friend if you must have one without faults" -Anonymous

* I read this quote in my AP English class today and immediately after, I got lost in thought. Ms. Cooper kept the lecture up while my mind raced back and forth from thought to picture to memory. I realized all the wrongs I have committed over the years.

Truth be told, I have always been shallow when it comes to people, mainly the ones that I have dated. Things would be great for a month or two, and then I started to pick out the flaws. I think it's because I have never been mature enough to believe that no one is perfect. I always thought "Hey, I'll find the perfect person and fall deeply love with them one day." But, you know what? Our faults and imperfections make us who we are. Being yourself and showing the true you is the only way to ever have a truly meaningful relationship, whether it be with a friend or a significant other. I have realized that what I used to be was completely terrible. I became mean..cold...harsh and even brutal. I found faults and I picked at them until I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't understand why someone had such an imperfection and i didn't like it so I told them and it all blew up. Needless to say, I had about 5 relationships that all ended within 3 months because I could not get over what I found. I thought that their imperfections somehow made them less beautiful. What I failed to realize is that, It is exactly those imperfections that make someone beautiful, handsome, sexy..etc.

So, I sat in class speechless, broken and distraught because I felt absolutely horrible realizing how wrong I was and how badly I acted. That was it for me, I was stuck in my head constantly wondering and thinking and figuring everything out.

Finally, I came to an understanding within myself.

I am ready to let myself be happy. I am ready to stop looking for wrongs and faults and imperfections. I am ready to just let happiness happen. Did you know that EVERYONE has the right to be happy?

So, here we go. I am in a new relationship with this lovely guy, Aarron, and I know that he is not perfect. I accept that because finally I understand it. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, he is not perfect. NO ONE will ever be able to live up to that word. I honestly accept that now. I understand it and I am completely comfortable with this whole accepting flaws thing.

Upon entering someones life, the "unspoken understanding" is that you must like them for who and what they are. If you can't, then by their side is not where you're meant to be.

-I am not a quitter, I'm a fighter and this is something that I believe in, so I am going to fight for my place in someones life if need be. If someone can love and accept my many flaws,faults,imperfections, which ever you choose to say, then the very least I can do is love and accept them right back. I feel wiser now. Kinder and more gentle. I am more mature and understanding and no longer will I be classified as shallow and misled.

NO ONE is perfect and I like it that way.